Renaissance
by Cryptic Quill
Summary: Ongoing fic about what might have been in an AU. CH 4 Added. Jack&Janet.
1. Renaissance

Title: Renaissance

Author: Cryptic Quill

Spoilers: AU, First Season, Jack/Janet relationship

Status: On-Going

Rating: T (Just in case)

Author's Note: I know this may not be a popular story that I'm creating. I realize that there are many, many Dan/Jan and Jack/Sam 'shippers out there but each time I watch Season 1, I can't help but think there is some history between ole Doc Frasier and Jack.

Anyway, I am prepared for the fire I will receive. But in case you do enjoy it, let me know

---------------

This was it, Janet Frasier thought to herself as she looked around the infirmary.

Her infirmary.

The thought made her smile quietly as if she was afraid others would see it. Janet had worked hard to achieve this position and beaten out a dozen other hopeful candidates. CMO, Stargate Command. Of course she couldn't tell people her title because of security, but she knew it and that was enough. This was a big step for a captain from Nellis Air Force Base but as someone once told her, never let them see you sweat.

She started with the medical files of the base, setting aside the six of the nine Stargate teams. Three were in the field already and she felt that they should have top priority, since according to the files she had already perused, the off-world teams were the most common customers of the infirmary. Except one Master Sergeant Sylvester Siler. The man had multiple files detailing numerous minor injuries, despite only just having been transferred to Cheyenne Mountain. The most recent injury required burn ointment for his missing eyebrows from an electrical overload. Ouch, Janet winced while reading that entry.

SG-1 returned yesterday so they had already received their post mission check-up while SG-3 would be coming back today. Janet wondered what it was like. It seemed so surreal, going through a metal ring and stepping out onto another planet.

The infirmary phone disrupted her concentration. She had seen enough during her initial tour to understand that the phone was a good sign. A klaxon and broadcast requesting a medical team was to be feared as that meant it was the time to ready her staff for an emergency.

"Infirmary." She spoke into the phone.

"Dr. Frasier"

"General Hammond" Janet said into the phone, standing up at attention although he couldn't see her.

She had taken a liking to the Texas officer immediately, sensing that he was both a reasonable and honest man. He pulled no punches about what she could possibly face as the Chief Medical Officer and made it clear that the health of those under his command was superceded only by the concern of endangering the civilians outside of Cheyenne Mountain. That spoke volumes to her.

"I hope you're getting settled in properly." He drawled.

"Yes, thank you sir. I'm researching medical histories of all of the SG teams and base personnel."

"Very good. And now there's someone I'd like you to meet. Colonel O'Neill from SG-1 should be in his office. I believe he was off-world when you accepted the position."

Janet buckled a little and braced herself against her desk. She knew it wasn't the same man but she didn't like having to interact with someone named O'Neil. She'd heard Jack refer to O'Neil quite often as a dullard and now every time she would see him, she would think of her Jack. Just Jack, she quickly reminded herself.

The doctor cleared her throat and regained her composure. General Hammond had asked her to personally interview each of the SG teams to review their medical histories for accuracy.

"Yes sir" She acknowledged. "And the rest of SG-1?"

"They'll meet with you later. Dr. Jackson and Captain Carter are working on an experiment. Colonel O'Neill should be catching up on paperwork so this is probably the best time to catch him. In fact knowing him, he'd appreciate the interruption."

"Absolutely, sir. Thank you, sir."

If she could see General Hammond, she would have blushed at the big smile on his face. He remembered himself as a Captain and how nervous he would become around general staff officers. He knew Doctor Frasier would get over it soon enough.

What the General didn't know what that Janet wasn't nervous about the General's rank at all, but rather more upset about meeting Colonel O'Neil. Was he really as bad as Jack had made him out to be? Well no time like the present, she thought as she left her office and followed the lines on the floor.

Janet knocked on the open doorway. The lone occupant had his back to her initially and turned to react to the sound.

Janet was immediately taken aback.

Jack felt like someone kicked him in the stomach.

Although nearly speechless, Janet was the first to speak with one statement.

"Oh sh-"

---------------

"It said O'Neil on my report. I um thought it was the other one. One L." She held up her index finger as she explained.

This wasn't going well, at all. She hadn't had time to review all of the files yet and in fact had only been able to glance at some of the file names. How was she to know that O'Neil was really Jack O'Neill? Damn Dr. Freedman and his blasé filing system!

Jack bristled at her comment. The O'Neill versus O'Neil confusion had occurred often enough in paperwork. Sometimes Jack even received the wrong mail, much to his continued frustration. It was even boring mail, at that.

"Him? He's an idiot. How could you possibly think he would be here?" Jack demanded.

The tiny doctor refused to back down and accept the blame for this.

"You just don't like him because he doesn't laugh at your jokes."

That made Jack's face break a little, the hint of a smile forming before he caught himself. He sat down on the edge of his desk

"I didn't know you'd… I mean I told the General I didn't need to be involved in selecting the new CMO…"

The moments were tense and filled with silence. For Janet, just seeing Jack was eerie and made her feel as if she had butterflies in her stomach. They had parted under not such nice circumstances but she'd held a tiny ray of hope for months that he would come to his senses. She decided to end the quiet.

"As I recall, the last time we spoke you were retired."

Jack rubbed the back of his neck tensely. He was having trouble catching his breath properly. He couldn't look at her straight on. Those dark eyes that once he gazed into while making love to her… if they were to capture him again… He knew he would break. He couldn't risk it.

"They asked me back. I got bored."

"This isn't going to be easy, is it?" Janet simply stated, staring at the floor. What a day. Her hopes at being the new CMO at Cheyenne Mountain dashed and now Jack obviously still didn't want her.

Easy? Jack thought. He'd worked hard, damn hard to forget about Janet Frasier. He could still see her big brown eyes and he could taste her lips when he dreamed at night.

"Janet, I'm not so sure about this."

An alarm cut brief the exchange, making Janet jump from the unexpected noise.

Sergeant Walter Harriman's voice blared over the speaker.

"OFFWORLD ACTIVATION. INCOMING TRAVELER. ALL DEFENSE TEAMS STAND BY."

"That's me" Jack said and paused to look at Janet. He was about to say something when the overhead message changed.

"MEDICAL TEAM REPORT TO STARGATE ROOM. REPEAT MEDICAL TEAM REPORT TO STARGATE ROOM"

They looked at each other briefly and Janet flew out of the room, her lab coat fluttering behind her.

"Get that gurney moving now!" She ordered to a corpsman as she stopped running only long enough to grab her medical bag.

Two of SG-3 were coming down the ramp, the Stargate shimmering behind them. One of the members was supporting a young man who had his face contorted in pain. Janet could see the makeshift bandage at his side.

"Ran into two Jaffa before we were clear of the 'gate, sir" Sergeant Wilkes reported to Jack. "The Lieutenant took a blast to his side."

Janet motioned her nurses with a gurney and helped lay the wounded officer on his back. "Get him to the infirmary, now!" She ordered and was inspecting the wound as she ran beside the gurney. Jack could only stand and watch as the cart wheeled down the hallway.

"Where the hell is the rest of your team?" Jack demanded hotly of Sergeant Wilkes.

---------------

It was nearly four hours later that Janet left the side of Lt. Hicks. It had been a hard fight but she had refused to let the young man quit on her. Janet felt good but so very, very tired. Not just physically but emotionally drained down to her bones.

"I also want a complete examination of these uniforms to see if there's any contamination." Janet said to one of her nurses as she walked out of the infirmary to her office. She wasn't very surprised to find Jack waiting for her there. Janet hung her stethoscope around her neck and put her hands in the pockets of her lab coat. She'd changed into a fresh one thankfully, replacing the one stained with the Lt's blood.

"How's he doing?" Jack asked.

"Doing well, actually. Stable for now. He suffered a minor concussion but it's the injury to his side that concerns me. The weapon seems to have cauterized the wound but there's still a chance of infection."

"Staff weapon."

"Pardon me?" Janet asked, not understanding.

"The weapon that made that wound is called a staff weapon. The Jaffa use them."

She noticed his appearance for the first time. He was dirty and looked disheveled from exertion. The was a clean patch above his forehead from wearing a hat but below that was grime and what looked like flecks of blood on his jaw. Janet couldn't be sure if it was Jack's or not.

"Have you been out there?" She asked anxiously.

"We don't leave people behind." Jack said quietly.

"Are there more casualties?" Janet asked horrified that she was just now finding out. "Why wasn't I notified?"

"Everyone's ok. You had the hardest job." Jack admitted. "We came through about an hour ago. We were checked out by Wadley." He said, referring to Janet's new assistant.

She studied him for a moment. She felt a need to sit him down and give him his post mission exam personally but would have to rely on Wadley's report.

Jack still wouldn't meet her eyes. Janet knew what she would have to do.

"I'll have my request for transfer on General Hammond's desk before I leave today"

Jack was stunned.

"What?"

"Jack" She began. "It's obvious that we have this" She searched for the right word, not wanting to give anything away. "History between us. From everything I've seen and read, this is far too important of a mission to allow a conflict like this."

"And from what I've just seen you're too important not to include in it. We'll deal, ok?"

"If I stay, we can't be like this. At odds, awkward. You know regulations and how people talk." Janet tried to reason.

It was painful for Jack to admit, having feelings but he'd bury them along with all of the other ones he carried. Scars on the outside, scars on the inside. Wasn't very different, really. Not much. Maybe some.

"I know. We'll work it out. We were friends once." He said with a sad smile.

She nodded slightly. Her heart fluttered a little, remembering. Soft kisses, tender caresses. Breaching barriers they both had erected out of self preservation.

"Can we still be friends?" He asked.

Could she? She honestly didn't know. After her divorce she had been vulnerable, it was like the crushing sense of failure. Jack had been her first and last attempt since then. Friends? I'm not sure, she wondered silently, but she would try.

"Sure. Friends." She said with the best smile she could muster. She turned away, feeling her eyes swell and knowing they might give her away.

Jack turned to leave but caught himself at her door.

"You did a damn fine job today, Doc."

Doc. Not Janet, but Doc. Was that remove himself from his personal feelings or merely for regulations?

"Thanks. Colonel"

He closed the door behind him.

Janet only looked up after he'd gone and wiped her eyes. She stood watching the door for several minutes, reflecting on how different things went in the space of a few hours. Biting her lower lip out of nervousness, she sat down behind her desk and began her paperwork for Lieutenant Hicks. Her eyes kept glancing away from the paper to her desk drawer.

Don't do it. Just block it out, she thought to herself. Focus on the medical report and you'll forget about it. It's a silly thing anyway, you should have thrown it out long ago.

The internal argument never worked and didn't this time. She eventually gave in. Janet took her purse from the bottom drawer of her desk. Opening her wallet, she removed a picture hidden in one of the pockets.

It was a picture of Janet and Jack, smiling under a backdrop of snow. It had been taken at Jack's fishing cabin six months ago, before they broke up. Their relationship probably wouldn't have worked, she knew now but at the time she had such hopes. Both newly divorced, they had been each other's rebound relationship. Four months of evening walks, movies and late night dinners ended abruptly when Jack suddenly shut down. At the time she didn't understand why he'd closed himself off and began distancing himself from her. A few months afterward, when she'd healed enough to think back objectively, she knew. He was afraid of being too close to someone. He'd lost the two people he'd cared about most in life, his son and soon after, his wife. Jack just wasn't ready to try again.

Unfortunately, Janet had been.

The CMO of Stargate Command knew this job was going to be difficult, it was one of the reasons she'd taken it. She wanted to make a difference. She just didn't know until this evening just how difficult the job was going to be or that the difference would be in her.


	2. The Past Avoided

Title: Renaissance Part 2: The Past Avoided

Author: Cryptic Quill

Spoilers: AU, First Season, Jack/Janet relationship

Status: On-Going

Rating: T (Just in case)

Disclaimer: I don't own any Stargate SG-1 or any of the scripted characters, they're the property of someone else. They're just mine to toy with.

Author's Note: Again the same tag-line as before, this is a Jack/Janet fic and may not suit everyone's tastes, especially the Jack/Samantha & Dan/Jan 'shippers out there.

This one starts rough, ends strangely and I can't explain any of it. The writing may not get better but I promise the plot will soon. Thanks for the patience, thanks for reviewing and most of all thanks for spending some time in this AU that I've created.

There gymnasium in the lower levels of Stargate Command was rather primitive, consisting mostly of free weights. The Cheyenne Mountain complex above it on the other hand, contained a gym that was complete with an indoor pool, sauna, free weights and a basketball court. Tens of thousands of tax dollars worth of equipment to keep the nation's soldiers in peak physical shape, but Colonel Jack O'Neill was only making use of a canvas bag of sand. The only sound in the dimly lit room was that of dull thuds of his fists pounding the heavy bag, his loud breathing and the squeak of his shoes against the hardwood floor. Every hook, jab and cross was intended to batter away memories he'd tried desperately to crush, only to have them rise up again.

Dressed in gray gym shorts and an Air Force Academy tee shirt, the sweat had gathered and was flowing off of him in rivulets. He was achingly tired and his punches were getting slower, less crisp, although the spray of perspiration still flew from his brow with each blow. Despite his weariness he knew it would be pointless to go home to his empty house, he needed to be busy either in body or mind. His thoughts couldn't find peace after today's events of being off-world to gather the two remaining members of SG-3 while a third was being operated on in the infirmary by Dr. Janet Frasier.

Janet Frasier. Here at SGC. 

Of all the Stargates in all the worlds in all the universe, she walks into mine, he thought bitterly. Casablanca had been one of their late night movie favorites. Twisting the line from the movie foolishly just brought forth the memories.

They had dated for four months, meeting at a retirement party for one of Jack's former commanding officers. It had been exactly what each of them needed, newly divorced and finding that their scars hadn't left them immune to the possibility of another relationship.

Until I screwed it up, Jack derided himself. He landed a particularly hard jab at the heavy bag but the memory refused to be flattened by the blow and danced in his mind, replaying the events of months ago.

Jack had been in the process of rebuilding his life when he met Janet. Sara had left him after his mission to Abydos and after the better part of a year he hadn't even considered seeing someone else until he met Janet. He'd gotten over Sara or at least as much as he could, as anyone could after fifteen years of marriage, and was existing before Janet. Five foot two with big brown eyes, she'd come so easily into his life and fit so well.

He'd been happy with her and was considering taking it further, maybe moving nearer to Nellis Air Force Base in Nevada where she was stationed. He'd had just since retired and was practically living there at her home anyway during those happy times.

During one of the few times he'd returned to Colorado Springs, mostly to collect his mail and make sure his house was still standing, Sara called wanting him to pick up some of his things. Nearly a year after the divorce and she was still finding bits and pieces of him around her house and she wanted them all gone.

It had started the way it always had. The comments by each of them escalating further until the words turned to acid. Always the underlying accusations Charlie but never bringing them out into the open. The festering wound of a lost child, never to fully heal.

"Our marriage was hardly a war, Sara." He stated somewhat condescendingly as he tossed a book into a cardboard box she had set aside, filled with mementos of him she couldn't bear to keep.

"Like hell it wasn't, Jack, at least as far as you're concerned. It was a struggle to get you to talk about anything. Whenever something went wrong, you were too afraid to share it and left me out."

"We shared a lot of things." Jack said off handedly. He knew where this might lead and wanted no part of it. He just wanted to get out of here and get on the first plane to Nevada. To feel needed and warm. He picked an object up from the box on the floor.

"A lot of pain" Sara said through gritted teeth.

"It was your decision, Sara. When I came back from my assignment you were gone. There's nothing I can do if you're not happy now."

Sara scoffed at his comment and narrowed her eyes in anger.

"Now? Maybe you were happy in our marriage, Jack but me? No. You'll never make anyone happy! All you do is bring pain and misery to everyone around you until there's nothing left to hurt!" Sara shouted.

For a heartbeat, then two, neither said anything but simply looked at each other until Jack broke their gaze and cast his eyes downward to the baseball he'd been holding. He gripped the worn, grass-stained ball of leather tenderly before putting it into his jacket pocket.

Sara saw the baseball and immediately regretted her words. She felt like someone else had spoken them, vomited them out into the atmosphere where she could only watch in disbelief. She had meant to hurt him as she felt she had been but there were lines, limits to the amount of acceptable damage and she had just crossed one.

Jack looked as if he had suffered an unexpected mortal wound. He turned to leave, speechless. There were no witty comebacks this time, no jokes to ease the tension, just a numbing realization.

"Jack…" Sara said, her voice little more than a whisper. She raised her hand to touch him, wanting to apologize but not knowing where to even begin.

He didn't even notice, he turned his back to her and gently placed the box on the floor.

"I don't really want any of this. Whatever's left of mine here, you can keep. Do…" He paused "Do what you want with it." He added softly.

The door closed to the home they once shared and Jack hoped to each other's lives as well. It was too painful to deal with. He needed Janet more than ever but it was that dichotomy that was his undoing.

The worst thing you can do in a situation is over think it and yet that's exactly what had happened with Jack. He had been afraid of Janet Frasier since then. Afraid of hurting her, being vulnerable, losing control of himself. Without meaning to, he'd hurt Sara very deeply and Charlie was just the largest and last of the many hurts. That was the problem in a nutshell.

Jack hadn't felt about anyone like he'd felt about Janet, except for Sara in their early days. Jack thought it would be him and Sara forever, he'd been so very sure of it. Mistaken once, possibly again. He couldn't bring that kind of pain to Janet if that was the case. She'd already been hurt once by that bastard ex-husband of hers. Jack was granite on the outside, he had to be. But Janet didn't deserve that kind of scar tissue. She deserved better and more than he could offer. He felt like damaged goods.

He was justifying it in his mind and his intentions were good. He had wanted to spare Janet the pain but he also knew he wasn't being completely selfless. Each time he looked into Janet's eyes, he lost himself in there a little more. If he gave himself over completely, it would be the end of him.

It started downhill for him and Janet after that. He didn't call as often, didn't visit her in Nevada as much and when he was there he was unintentionally distant. He tried to explain it to her but always skirted the exact reasons. He hoped she understood but he could never be sure. He barely understood himself. Jack felt as if he failed Sara by being too strong. With Janet, he'd not been strong enough.

Jack hit the heavy bag with a left jab and bobbed to the right against an imaginary opponent, putting too much weight on his right foot. He felt his knee pop in protest and immediately gave way underneath him, forcing him to the floor. It was a breathtaking pain that started in his knee before corkscrewing up his spine.

He curled up and held his knee tightly. It was just overstrain, the doctors had warned him about this, he reminded himself. He'd already had one operation on his knee and it had never been one hundred percent. His breath was leaving him in deep gasps and he just lay there for a few moments, letting the waves of pain wash over him and begin to trail off.

Jack felt his knee throb under his palm as he massaged it.

Gonna hurt like hell tomorrow, he thought.

But even Jack O'Neill couldn't have told you if he was speaking about his knee or not.

In the week that followed, Jack managed to avoid Janet Frasier for the most part, aside from small talk in groups while in the hallway involving nothing personal. In the last three days, he'd been off-world once and returned on her day off, allowing him to suffer the indignity of a post mission checkup without the additional tension.

Jack wasn't sure how long he could keep this up. He'd altered his mealtime, arrived early at the base, left late and sent junior officers to do tasks that might take him in the vicinity of Janet's office or the infirmary. It was grueling; he'd had less stress operating in subterfuge when in Iraq.

He was walking down the hallway leading to Daniel Jackson's office where he figured he could hide for a while. All he would have to do is ask an off hand question about some strange skull fragment and the young archeologist would eat up the time between now and dusk, lecturing about ancient myths. High price to pay, but Jack had done the research and it appeared a worthwhile deal.

With a spring in his step he turned the corner and spotted General Hammond walking towards him.

"Colonel O'Neill" The general greeted him with a nod and a stern look.

"General. And how are you, sir?" Jack responded with a smile. He knew that look, trouble's-a-brewin', he thought quickly.

His smile sank when Janet came into view, her small form had been blocked by the larger C.O. of Stargate Command. Her shorter legs hadn't been able to keep up with General Hammond as he pursued his little seen second in command.

Jack's smile faded somewhat but he renewed its appearance quickly. He went from a high to a low within a moment, feeling like he'd been sighted by a miniature sniper. He still couldn't believe she was here. Wearing her hair up too, he noticed, accentuating her neck.

"Doc" Jack acknowledged her, still trying to smile.

"Colonel." Janet responded flatly. There was no smile on her face. She knew Jack had been skulking about for days, hiding from her. They promised each other it wouldn't be like this and the first chance she got she was going to have a talk with him. The thought wasn't pleasant but this situation simply would not do.

"Have you been avoiding me, Colonel?" Hammond asked.

"No…sir" Jack's voice trailed as he answered unexpected question truthfully, as long as he didn't look at Janet when answering.

"Then where are my reports for P3X-422?"

D'oh! Jack exclaimed in his thoughts. He could answer truthfully but he didn't think the explanation of "see, I've been avoiding your office because it's on the way to her office" would be sufficient.

"Still working on them, General." Jack bragged. "You know me sir, once the quill is in motion-"

"Well put the quill down and get me those reports. I have deadlines too, Colonel." Hammond interrupted.

"Well talk later, Doctor" He said with a far more friendly tone, looking down at Janet.

No, don't go, Jack silently pleaded.

"Soon, Colonel" Hammond glared at his second in command and walked down the hall, leaving Jack and Janet alone.

As the two former lovers stood side by side, neither could find anything to say. Had the hallway not been intermittently populated, Janet would have voiced her opinions but she didn't want to risk being overheard.

Feeling uncomfortable with the silence, Jack was the first to break it.

"So…Talking to the General" Jack observed dully. He bounced a little on the balls of his feet.

"Fitness reports" She answered mildly as an airman walked past them on his way down the hall.

Jack nodded.

"Well I should-"

She cut him off with a crisp rise of her hand to his face and looked up at him with stern eyes.

"My office. Now Colonel." Janet said icily, out of earshot of those around them and began walking.

He was about to remind her of the difference in rank when she stopped suddenly to make sure he was following her. Jack drew his breath to speak but Janet held up a her index finger to stop him from protesting.

"Ah!" She warned and returned to her walking.

Not another word was said by either party until they reached Janet's office. She held the door open for him with one hand and rested the other on her hip. She pursed her lips as she waited for him to enter. Jack proceeded with one shoulder first as if he wanted to ram the wall for an escape.

She shut the door behind her loud enough that several of her diplomas on the wall shook in protest.

"So how's the avoidance? Working out well for you, is it?" Janet asked sweetly, tightening her hands into fists and doing her best to hold back the rage bubbling beneath the surface.

"Actually, no." Jack admitted. Any fool could tell she was mad, and he had been with her long enough to gauge her anger on the Janet-scale. So far a seven, he theorized.

"Coming in early… leaving late... Not a good plan" She said sarcastically in a whisper but with a voice starting to darken.

"I'm working out the kinks in the system." He defended, hoping to keep it light.

That did it. Jack's sense of humor had been a delightful discovery once after she had gotten to know him. It was so much different than the dark and pensive man she had initially met. It was his sense of humor that made her fall for him. Now it just made her mad.

"Where in the hell do you get off?" Janet demanded.

He reassessed his earlier theory to a factor of 9. Maybe 9.5. He foolishly decided to press the issue.

"Colonel."

"What?"

"I believe the correct phrase is where in the hell do you get off, Colonel." Jack said with an air of superiority.

"Fine, Colonel." She hissed. "The next time you avoid me and return off-world early" She was standing directly underneath him, looking at him in the eyes from the level of his chest. "Or late, remember this. It's my infirmary and those silver birds on your shoulder do not buy you a reprieve."

Jack said nothing so she continued her tirade.

"I won't have my staff or patients disrupted. I have more to worry about than your ego." She used her index finger to make her point and dotted his chest.

Jack turned serious, he felt ashamed. She was right and he knew it. He couldn't afford to run for shelter when the stakes here at the Mountain were this high.

"We talked about this, Jack" She said, not softening her tone. "We have to be able to work together."

"You're right, I'm sorry." He admitted.

Janet wasn't expecting that. She was ready for a fight and a protracted one. She thought he'd flail his arms about and recite rules that benefited him and how he didn't answer to her. She wasn't entirely convinced it wasn't a trick, although that wasn't Jack's style. Seeing the contemplative expression he was wearing, she knew he was genuinely apologetic.

"I've been trying to deal with seeing you again. Here. It's…" Jack searched for the right word. Painful? Delightful? He wasn't sure of how to describe it and looking down at her beautiful face that still made him ache, even in the harsh fluorescent lights, he didn't think there was a way to.

"Terrible?" She tried to answer for him hesitantly, hoping that wasn't going to be his answer and he couldn't read the quiver in her voice.

"Different" He corrected. He'd missed this. The bantering and even the arguing. He felt foolish for trying to avoid her all week.

She relaxed somewhat, disarmed by his honesty. She backed away and subconsciously used her desk as interference to separate them.

"I'm sorry about what happened Janet. Then and now. I went through a bad time. I wish I could explain it but I just can't. Not right now." He wanted to tell her but it might open the door that had to remain closed. Regulations aside, he knew she couldn't have feelings for him now anyway. Not after what he'd put her through.

Janet sighed. Jack was a vault of secrecy and breaking through it was nigh to impossible. She wished he would let people in sometimes and understand that he didn't need to carry every burden. She had been willing to take some of it once. She wondered if he would ever let anyone that close to him again.

"You don't have to, Jack." She relished using his name and in the confines of privacy she knew he wouldn't seriously mind. She still hadn't gotten used to having to address him by rank in public.

"Can I buy you a coffee?" He asked out of the blue, nearly flooring her and himself. It simply slipped out without a conscious effort and he wondered for a moment if he'd actually asked her aloud.

"The mess has free coffee." She answered suspiciously.

It was already out there so he braced his resolve.

"That's not coffee, I think it's Goa'uld motor oil. As a physician you should look into it." Jack advised.

Her wall was cracking and she nearly slipped up and smiled at his bad joke. She wanted to stay angry at him but was finding it hard to maintain.

"Have you eaten dinner?" He inquired seriously.

She paused before answering. Was he asking her out? After all he'd put her through he was sadly mistaken if she would just swoon back into his arms over a happy meal.

"Yes, earlier in the mess."

He took that as a rejection. He wasn't trying anything untoward, he just wanted to talk. It was a strange feeling and one he didn't expect until just this moment. The need to just be around someone and simply communicate about nothing important. Frankly, he just wanted to be around her even if he couldn't be with her.

"But I could use some coffee." She said with the hint of a smile.

To be continued….


	3. Broca Divide & Conquer

Title: Renaissance Part 3: Broca Divide & Conquer

Author: Cryptic Quill

Spoilers: AU, First Season, Jack/Janet relationship

Status: On-Going

Rating: T (Just in case)

Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate SG-1 or any of the scripted characters, they're the property of someone else. They're just mine to toy with.

Author's Note: I debated for quite a while on how to address the this portion of the story. For those of us who enjoy Jack/Janet stories, the Broca Divide includes one of the few moments of the series that we can point to and say "that one's ours". I considered merely referencing the episode or going into more detail with it but either way I knew it had to be addressed. I hope for you the reader, I've made a good choice.

Again, my thanks for spending some time in this AU that I've created.

---------------------------

"Well that went well" Jack exclaimed sarcastically as he was favoring his right leg and being helped down the ramp by Teal'c,.

Daniel came through the Stargate just in time to hear Jack's comment and responded with a sheepish expression on his face. Captain Carter came last as fist sized stone bounced twice and finally rolled down the ramp. The Stargate dissolved from a shimmering pool to an empty metal ring.

General Hammond, watching from the control room grabbed the microphone.

"What happened, SG-1? You weren't due back until tomorrow?"

"Ran into a bit of a snag, sir" Jack growled and glared at Daniel and adjusted his weight being supported by Teal'c.

In the officer's mess, Janet was enjoying a quiet moment, if not the coffee. Jack was right, she thought, the coffee here is terrible. Or maybe it's the lack of company.

She and Jack had gone out for coffee to the café in town three times in as many days. He was off-world today but was due back tomorrow and she found herself missing his presence.. Janet was very much enjoying the rekindled friendship with Jack O'Neill. Maybe this was all he was able to give right now and if so, that was enough, she mused.

An announcement interrupted her thoughts.

"OFFWORLD ACTIVATION. INCOMING TRAVELER. ALL DEFENSE TEAMS STAND BY."

Janet froze. She knew what teams were off world at the moment but it was the thought of one in particular that made her cringe with worry. SG-1 and they weren't due back until tomorrow. Although technically she was off duty and the infirmary was left to the care of her assistant Dr. Wadley. She put her cup down and quickly raced to the elevator to help.

Janet ran to the elevator and repeatedly pushed the recall button but the numbers above the doors were changing too slowly. With an exasperated growl she gave up and simply took the stairs down five more levels.

Out of breath, she found the team in the infirmary being looked at by two nurses and Dr. Wadley with General Hammond looking on. Jack was laying on a bed with his right pants leg cut open, holding an ice pack on his knee. He was waving off the nurses with his free hand and Janet could tell her staff was getting frustrated.

"I've got it, Dr." Janet commented and waved off Dr. Wadley, taking command of the situation.

"But you're off shift?" He asked, his feelings somewhat hurt.

"It's ok." She affirmed and began examining the team starting with Samantha Carter, since Jack was already being attended to. It didn't stop her from tentative glances at his direction however.

General Hammond was trying to get answers about the away mission. "Your report stated that you were going to dine with the Prefect of the village, Colonel.'

"Well that was before he decided we were actually going to be part of the dinner, sir"

"I thought you said they were peaceful people?" Hammond asked incredulously

"I do not believe they are typically violent. It would appear that they merely meant to cook DanielJackson as punishment rather than for sustenance." Teal'c noted.

"Merely?" Daniel responded, somewhat hurt by his teammate's lake of concern.

General Hammond was growing frustrated. "I don't understand."

"It was going fine until Daniel apparently tried to steal their souls." Jack explained in surly voice, his gaze locked onto Daniel.

"I was taking a video of the obelisk we found the day before. I couldn't reach the top of it to make any etchings and uhm, one of the villagers walked into the picture. He saw his image in the playback." Daniel plaintively answered.

"That's when all Hell broke lose and they picked up the rocks."

"Well yes, Jack but they didn't actually start throwing them until you referred to Prefect Bilden as Bilbo."

"Oh like they knew what that meant!" Jack began He turned to General Hammond. "You gotta understand General, this guy had a real bad attitude problem. He was smaller than the rest of them so it was probably a case of short -" but stopped suddenly when he turned his eyes to Janet. She was watching him closely as she tended to a cut on Daniel's forehead.

Go on Jack, say 'short man syndrome'. I dare you. She thought accusingly as he eyes narrowed.

Jack witnessed her reaction. At 5'2" he knew Janet had always been sensitive about her height.

"Fuse, sir." Jack said triumphantly, proud of deflecting a potential powder keg. "Seen it a million times with leaders like this. On alien worlds. Yanno with slinging rocks and pitchforks and.. things." He trailed, nervously.

Janet raised her eyebrow in suspicion and helped Captain Carter up from her bed.

"The preliminary reports checked out, they aren't very advanced and the obelisk had only a minimal residual EM signature." Carter said.

General Hammond nodded. "I'm assuming there was no relevant technology then?"

Jack winced as he moved his leg a little.

"Not unless we're looking to acquire new techniques in haberdashery, sir." He replied.

Daniel looked at him strangely.

"What?" Jack asked, offended that no one understood his sense of humor.

Daniel felt the need to defend his situation. "As far as I can tell the village placed a great deal of emphasis on weaving and textiles."

"Ow!" Jack cried out as the nurse examined his kneecap.

"Sorry, Colonel." She apologized.

Janet moved over and took the place of the nurse and gingerly felt his kneecap with her delicate fingers.

"I'll need to x-ray this, I don't think there's a fracture, most likely just a bruise but I want to be sure." She announced. "Ok, I'm done with the rest of the team, sir. Just minor cuts and bruises" She said to General Hammond. "Except for Colonel O'Neill."

"Then I want all of you to come to the briefing room." General Hammond ordered. "And Colonel O'Neill, you'll join us when Dr. Frasier gives you the ok"

The team followed the general and Daniel still trying to make his case, explained as he walked.

Janet turned her attention back to Colonel O'Neill and raised his leg.

As much as Jack became troublesome during pre and post mission checkups, it wasn't the needles or even the poking and prodding that he objected to. It was Janet. While taking his blood pressure, giving an injection or even using her penlight of doom, as Jack called it, it was the nearness of her that made him uncomfortable. The light touches, the closeness of her lips to his and the aroma of her shampoo assaulted his senses. Even the drawing of blood could be an intimate experience as she would shine her large brown eyes into his own making sure he wasn't in pain.

He loved and hated it both at the same time.

"So, short…" Janet paused for effect. "Fuse, huh?" She said with a wry grin.

"Well he wasn't as even tempered as I am." Jack squirmed.

"Oh right, because you're always Mr. Levelheaded." She laughed as she tightened the blood pressure chaff around his arm and began squeezing the bulb.

Jack watched her as she was involved in her task. She had a lock of hair that had come loose and was dangling about her temple. He had to resist the urge to smooth it back into place.

"You know we've had coffee quite a bit lately." He commented.

Janet looked up from the blood pressure dial. She hoped her eyes weren't showing concern; she'd very much enjoyed those few moments with Jack and would be disappointed if he suddenly stopped wanting them. They were precious to her.

"Yes, yes we have."

"I've been thinking about having it with dinner. Would you care to join me tonight?"

Janet thought a moment. Dare she try this again? It really had been wonderful these past few days, recanting old stories and jokes, spending time together as friends. His subtle smile buoyed her resolve.

"Well you're not going anywhere but home tonight." She said. "I want that knee elevated. But tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow, then." Jack grinned.

"Yah sure, ya betcha" She laughingly answered with her own radiant smile, mocking one of his expressions. As she left him to the care of one of her nurses, her heart was pounding.

She was halfway down the hall before she realized she was humming.

---------------------------

They had planned the dinner days ago but on the day of, SG-4 returned from off world with cases of blistering sunburn, forcing Janet to stay at the base and missing her dinner with Jack. Two days later, the computer finished analyzing some of the data Carter and Dr. Jackson had fed it from the Abydos cartouche. Janet had watched in disappointment as the SG-1 team went through the Stargate. Their dinner would be put on hold for time being.

And the time being just got longer.

Less than four hours after their return, the entire base was locked down from being infested with an alien disease that Dr. Jackson was referring to as part of the Broca Divide theory.

Janet didn't understand what forces were keeping her and Jack apart but that was hardly her paramount worry. Jack had been infected by the disease, along with half of the SGC and nothing she could do was even remotely halting its progress.

Jack was pacing back and forth in his cell like an animal, occasionally growling in frustration until his rage pent up to a boiling point inside him and he would hurl himself at the metal door.

Janet flinched every time he did that. She wasn't tall enough to open the small window to peer inside without raising to her tiptoes but she had since stopped looking. She knew the damage he had done to the cell and to himself the last time she had been inside. When he sensed her presence, he would stop and snort and press himself against the wall until she would come inside.

Another crash and Janet couldn't stand it anymore. She would have to give him another sedative or he might cause himself permanent harm. This dose would send him over the edge of the safety limits but she had to try and keep him calm. She couldn't believe he was still agitated. At this level, Jack shouldn't even be conscious, much less violent.

Janet summoned two armed corpsmen to escort her before going in.

"You are going inside, Dr. Frasier?"

"Yes, Mr. Teal'c." She knew he wanted to come inside with her as she tended to Jack but this virus had him as baffled as everyone else. Teal'c had been standing watch outside of Jack's door since the quarantine as if he could fend off any further harm to his friend. It made Janet feel better that Jack had someone to watch over him like that. As it was, she felt so helpless.

"You are very concerned about O'Neill." Teal'c noted.

"Uh" Janet stammered. "Yes, well he's my patient, Mr. Teal'c."

"You have a good many people with the disease under your care" Teal'c noted.

"Yes." Janet agreed. "But Colonel O'Neill is the only one who has retained enough of his original persona while under the influence." She quickly added.

"Indeed. He seems" Teal'c paused. "Calmer in your presence."

"I'm sure it's just the sedative"

Teal'c wasn't so sure.

---------------------------

Jack knew he was losing ground in this fight. And his humanity.

Jack tried everything he could to concentrate on the one thing that was simple and came to mind easily. Small woman, pretty eyes, his mind droned. Part of him screamed inside, a part of his brain seemingly trapped inside a prison just as his body was.

Janet, he fought back. Her name is Janet. She's a doctor. Loves bad chick flick movies. Hates them being called that. Smile is beautiful. Poetry. Sarah McLachlan. Casablanca. May 10th.

Jack jerked his head up when he heard the door rattle. He tried to shift his thoughts to his surroundings. Some moments were completely gone to him, lost to this rage inside but in others he could regain a semblance of cognizance.

When the door opened, the light hurt and he flinched.

Two airmen brought in General Hammond who had also been infected by the disease. The general was unconscious and in a straight jacket. His brow was becoming thicker and his eyebrows had grown bushy. The airmen lowered Hammond down to the lower bed of the double bunks as gently as they could. His head still lolled to the left, obviously sedated.

Strange man. Head like egg. Him…Homer? Jack looked at the General. Hammond, his mind raged. General Hammnd, he's your boss, you dumb bastard he accused himself.

Janet followed Hammond in quickly to make sure Jack didn't hurt him. It was a gamble, she knew. The general had to be placed somewhere secure for his own sake as well as others but space dictated doubling up. She hoped Jack would recognize him in someway and not be violent towards the general.

"Sorry Colonel O'Neill, but your private room just became semi-private. We're running out of places to put the victims." She explained. Janet didn't know why but she felt the need to talk to him when he clearly didn't understand but simply trying made her feel better.

"We've used the brigs, we've used the temp quarters, some of the storage rooms." She saw no point in continuing, Jack wasn't listening and it was painful to see him like this.

She took one more moment to watch and sighed, turning to leave.

Jack used reserves of strength to wage a war against the primal mind inside of him. He gained the upper hand but just barely.

"Jan..uh..d.." Jack whispered hoarsely.

She stopped cold, hearing him try to speak. None of her other patients had even been coherent at this stage of the illness. The sedative alone should have rendered him incapacitated. Matching his gaze, she still wasn't sure he was truly speaking. Perhaps it was just the hopeful side of her, but she could have sworn he'd said her name.

"Did you say something?" She needed to know.

Jack was in torment, his mouth didn't work as it should. His tongue felt thick and his thoughts were hazy. He felt like he was swimming in glue and the insanity was that he could only function this well when he given a sedative.

"Give muhr…" He pleaded.

"What?" She tried to understand. Did he ask more?

"Give more what?" Janet leaned in to make eye contact, finally crouching beside him, praying he could find the words he looked as if he were struggling so hard to form. She could hardly recognize him now with his brow protruding and his mouth growing thicker.

"Mm..more" Jack held out his arm to make her understand.

"An injection? You mean you want more sedative?" It was almost some demented form of charades as she was merely guessing at this point.

Jack nodded quickly in satisfaction. Please Janet, his mind cried out from a tiny place. Help me.

"You've already had more than the maximum safe dosage, twice as much as anyone else because you've been more violent." Janet explained.

She couldn't do this anymore, she needed to leave. This hurt too much, refusing Jack the only thing he asked for while he was suffering. The only thing she couldn't give. She'd already gone against her instincts with as much sedative as she'd given him. Doctors aren't supposed to have an attachment to their patients and boy had she crossed that line.

As she rose to leave, Jack motioned his arm at her, begging for more sedative. His eyes had grown glassy at the frustration.

"Give."

"No. It's not safe." She admonished tiredly.

"Give!" He sobbed and motioned his arm again to make her understand.

Janet gritted her teeth. Are you wanting the sedative because you're still in pain or do you just want to sleep this horror away, she silently asked him. She couldn't blame him if that was the case although she'd never known Jack to run away from anything except his own feelings. She herself wanted to crawl into a hole and wait this disease out but there were people depending on her.

"Why are you so insistent?" She was the one pleading this time. Pleading for him to stop asking her to do what she could no longer do.

Jack simply gazed at her. Something in his eyes that Janet couldn't quite put her finger on. He wasn't frightened as the other patients were and he was only violent when she wasn't around. He was able to communicate far more than any of the others and something in his eyes ate away at her. It was as if the primal man had stolen his identity and was wearing Jack's skin. There was a light in there somewhere, some deep down place, she knew it, she could feel it. She just didn't know how to reach it.

She sighed in frustration and motioned to her orderly for another hypodermic filled with sedative. Although Janet brought it in to possibly calm Jack down if he was violent, she had no idea that she would willingly use it for no genuine reason.

Just before she inserted the needle, Jack met her gaze and their eyes danced together. Was it gratitude in his eyes or something more? She couldn't be sure.

He took the shot well, anxious for its effects. Janet lingered her fingers on his arm for a second, not realizing until now that she hadn't worn gloves. She didn't care. If she was going to catch this disease, she would have already been showing symptoms. For now, she just enjoyed touching him for a brief moment.

His head swiveled as the drug took effect and Janet paused. Biting back a sob from inside, she began realizing that there were others in the room and regained her composure.

"Must have been in a lot of pain." She said absently, as if trying to reassure herself she had done the right thing. She rose from him to leave him to sleep and wondered how she ever got in this deep. She didn't know how to fight this thing.

"Doc" Jack grunted. Janet was too hard a word to form, he knew his time was limited but he needed to be able to converse as a man, not an animal.

"Colonel O'Neill?" She said with suspicion. Was that really Jack talking or the primitive man inside him taking over completely with the assistance of the sedative? She drew closer to look into his eyes.

Oh my God, Janet realized. Jack was definitely in there. In a twisted form, yes but those eyes she had seen for a hundred nights in her arms and for a hundred more in her dreams. She knew him, it was Jack.

Jack could still read her even in this state. He wanted to tell her what he was going through, to confirm that his was the dominant mind for as long as the sedative lasted but the words wouldn't come out. He could only mouth them in twitching movements.

"M-me…me." He affirmed hoarsely. It was the best he could do. His strength was returning as well as mind.

Janet smiled broadly. Oh thank you, whoever is up there watching.

"So you are still in there somewhere." She marveled and a bright smile formed on her face.

"Dream? Dream?" He pleaded. Please let this be one long nightmare, he thought. Let me wake up and be somewhere else, anywhere else.

"I'm afraid not Colonel. It's very real." She said sadly, her smile turning serious. "This is interesting; enough sedative must knock back the primitive mind."

She touched his arm to console him not even daring to imagine what he must be going through.

"Colonel, listen to me. I am not going to be able to keep you at this level for very long; it is too dangerous. It could cause permanent brain damage." She warned.

"What. What is it?"

"It's a parasitic virus. All we can tell is that is seems to mess with body chemicals, all of them. Testosterone levels sky rocket thus the aggressive behavior. It's histaminolytic which means it breaks down histamine. What we-"

Jack interrupted her, he had enough details but couldn't afford to waste anymore time. Janet was a medical doctor and she was the smartest person he knew aside from Carter. Maybe he didn't understand enough about this virus but he knew she would.

"Experiment… on me…me." He wheezed. Use me, do whatever you need to do, he pleaded. Too many people counting on us to fail. Please Janet.

"Experiment on you?" She was appalled at the thought of using Jack as a guinea pig.

"No Colonel." To hell with rank and titles "Jack, I can't do that."

Jack reached out his hand and touched her face. Janet was shocked at the tenderness, had she known he was going to do that she could have braced herself. Leave it to Jack to tear down all of her defenses in a single gesture.

"Jan-uh… use me."

She brought her hand up to meet his. How many hundreds of times had he touched her like this before? It was tearing her up inside, the thought of losing him to this virus. She briefly nuzzled her cheek against his hand. God I still love you Jack, she thought. I wish I didn't, but I do. Even enough to do this.

She nodded in agreement.


	4. Every Now & Then

Title: Renaissance Part 4: Every Now & Then

Author: Cryptic Quill

Spoilers: AU, First Season, Jack/Janet relationship

Status: On-Going

Rating: T (Just in case)

Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate SG-1 or any of the scripted characters, they're the property of someone else. They're just mine to toy with.

Author's Note: I hope you're enjoying the story so far and as always, my thanks for spending some time in this AU that I've created.

------------

Several days later, Jack still felt he was losing his mind but in a different way.

"When am I getting out of here?" Jack asked irritably. He was tired of sitting in this bed staring at the same walls and ceiling.

"In the morning Colonel. I'll release you from the infirmary and then you can go home and do whatever it is that you do, sir." Janet waved her hand and set her penlight down to make a note in her logbook.

"It's been a week, Doc." Jack said and rubbed his eyes. What is it with her and that damn light? He wondered and blinked until his vision became clearer.

"It's been two days, as of three hours ago." Janet commented "There are still a few tests I need to run, just to make sure." She was sure there was no damage from the antihistamine she'd given Jack O'Neill and the rest of the SGC to combat the virus, but she had to make sure that the massive amount of sedative she had given the Colonel hadn't caused harm to his nervous system.

An antihistamine, Janet still couldn't believe it. Unbelievable. And to think, she actually had Jack to thank. Or his dog Gordie Howe, rather. Janet had started taking a much more powerful antihistamine when she first started seeing Jack nearly a year ago, as her previous one left her vulnerable to Gordie's animal dander. If not for prescribing a similar dosage to Dr. Jackson before leaving for P3X-797… she shuddered to think but for now she was enjoying the gratitude of everyone that the virus had infected.

The most special came from Jack as he simply held her hand and thanked her after returning from the planet with a recovered Daniel Jackson. To other observers it may have not have appeared overly expressive but to Janet, it was a moment she held quite dear.

"Couldn't you just run them all at once, get it over with?" Jack asked, bringing Janet out of her musing.

"Well I could run tests with small blood samples like I'm doing or I could do a spinal tap." She nodded with arched eyebrows, without looking up. If Jack wanted to be difficult at this point, she could give as well as get.

"Don't those hurt pretty bad?" He wondered.

"Only as much as a needle being inserted between two vertebrae"

"Ouch." Jack winced and shifted in his bed.

"Uh huh." She looked up from her logbook and smiled at him. She set down her logbook to the table near the bed and reached into the pocket of her lab coat.

"Here" She held out a small square toy.

"What's this?"

"A video game. Matthew left it at my house." Janet answered.

"Sweet." Jack said smiling. "Video hockey."

Shaking her head at his reaction to a child's toy.

"Just make sure you don't lose it. My nephew is going to want it back."

Jack pressed a few buttons and rested the game on his lap.

"Thanks, Janet." He said in a low voice, not wanting one of her nurses to overhear him calling her by her first name.

"It's just a toy, Jack." She chuckled, taking her logbook back.

"I didn't mean for the game." He looked up at her with a serious expression.

Janet nodded, her smile remained frozen as she locked eyes with him. He reached to take her hand when one of her nurses walked nearby and stopped. Janet saw the nurse as well.

"Yes well, goodnight Colonel." She said brightly. Even the disruption couldn't diminish the warm feeling Janet had inside. If anything confirmed her decision to accept the position at the SGC, this entire episode with the virus had.

"Goodnight, Doc."

Jack returned to his game and Janet left the infirmary for the night. What she didn't notice was that he only held his attention to the game until he was sure Janet wasn't watching. Then he followed her exit with his eyes.

------------

Janet was sipping a cup of chamomile tea in her living room which, according to Captain Carter, was supposed to be soothing. She had only a few conversations with Carter before the virus, there were after all hundreds of people at the SGC and NORAD above it to get to know but they had hit it off well until this past week. Janet was still trying to separate her feelings of friendship from jealousy with her fellow captain after Carter had attacked Jack in a hormonal frenzy. Janet knew it was the result of the virus but still, Sam had the big blue eyes and long legs that sent most men babbling. She didn't know how Jack felt about Sam.

Truth was Janet didn't know how Jack felt about her, she only knew that her feelings for him hadn't changed. That was the part that had kept her up these past few nights. Had she acted out of medical necessity in treating Jack with so much sedative or had she breached an ethical barrier by letting her feelings cloud her judgment? This whole thing could have turned out so differently and so easily.

Janet wasn't normally a tea drinker but was finding it a pleasant diversion and it was relaxing, thank goodness. This was the last alternative she could think of since even warm milk hadn't helped. She had some pills she could take but if she even heard the word sedative once more, she would go crazy. It just reminded her of Jack who, as good as he was a soldier, was the most awful patient she'd ever taken care of.

She luxuriated in the feel of the soft sofa beneath her and set the tea down to stretch out on the couch. Dressed in a pair of cotton shorts and an oversized tee-shirt, she wiggled her toes in contentment and sighed softly. Janet felt the most relaxed she had in days and yet she knew she wasn't even close to being able to sleep.

The sound of her phone ringing brought a groan out of her. She was tempted to let the machine answer it for her but she decided against it. It might be the base with an emergency. So help me, if it's Jack causing trouble, I'm going to order a round of rabies shots for him.

"Hello, this is Dr. Frasier" She answered wearily.

Within a few moments, Janet just clicked off the receiver and set the phone down. Her eyes welled up with tears as the sound of the phone's rhythmic beeping announced it was off the hook.

------------

The SGC infirmary could be one hell of a boring place, Jack noted. Nothing to do, they won't let you leave and the keep sticking you with big honkin' needles every few hours.

They wouldn't even install a television in here to watch the Simpson's. He didn't know how Sergeant Siler stood this so often.

It had been several days since the virus had nearly transformed him into some sort of caveman. Everyone else had been discharged except Jack and Siler. Jack because he'd received massive amounts of sedatives and needed testing to check for cellular damage. Siler because, well he was Siler and being a caveman just increased his propensity for doing personal harm.

The worst was the nights. Janet went home by dusk and the sedatives he'd been given by her had screwed up his sleep pattern. He would often just lay awake in the uncomfortable hospital bed and think.

"O'Neill"

Jack turned to see Teal'c standing beside his bed quietly. He hated when the large man did that.

"T!" Jack exclaimed, grateful for company.

"Pull up a chair. Have a saline solution, on me" He joked.

"I do not require additional fluids." Teal'c questioned.

"It was a joke, Teal'c. How's Gordie?"

Teal'c was aware of O'Neill's sense of humor, even if he rarely understood it.

"Your canine tried to bite me once again."

Jack looked at Teal'c in frustration. "How'd he tried to bite you? He's 12 years old and nearly blind."

"Nevertheless, the incident has occurred again." Teal'c complained in a monotone voice.

"If you'd talk to him and call him by name instead of 'canine' he might be more friendly." Jack advised. This was growing troublesome. Jack's neighbor wouldn't look after Gordie anymore but not because of biting. He was running out of options and Teal'c couldn't watch the dog much longer anyway. Jack considered getting one of the enlisted men to do it.

They were interrupted by General Hammond who unlike Teal'c, came into the infirmary slowly as if there was anywhere else on the planet that he'd rather be.

"Teal'c" The general greeted and turned his eyes to Jack.

"Colonel O'Neill, I'm afraid I have some bad news, son about Lt. Hicks."

Lt. Hicks had been one of the members of SG-3 Marines, who'd recently gone on the injured list because of a staff weapon wound to his side. He'd barely survived coming back through the gate until Janet saved him in the operating room. SG-3 had already temporary replaced him but was adamant about not filling the position permanently. The Marines of SG-3 stood together and were as a family.

"What's wrong with Hicks?" Jack was in shock, the words barely came out.

"I'm sorry Colonel. But I'm told he passed away several hours ago." Hammond hated giving news like this. For more decades than he cared to count, he'd written letters to families informing them of the loss of a loved one and it never got easier.

Teal'c knew the pain of losing someone under his command. As First Prime of Apophis he had led many Jaffa in combat and been forced to watch them perish from unspeakable wounds.

"My sympathies at your loss, O'Neill" Teal'c offered.

Jack didn't hear him and couldn't understand. The Lt. had been transferred to a VA hospital some time ago. He was as healthy as he could be under the circumstances. He was even supposed to be going home to finish recuperating in another week or two.

"They said it might have been a stroke, they're still not sure."

"Get them sure!" Jack growled and caught himself. "Sir" He added, forgetting for a moment that he was yelling at his superior.

Janet. Jack thought of how she would take the news. Hicks had been her first patient at the SGC and had even gone to visit him every day at the hospital until the virus attacked the base. She'd mentioned just yesterday how proud she was of him and his recovery.

Hammond didn't react to the tone, he knew what Jack was going through. The letter would be Jack's to write this time and Hammond didn't envy him in the least.

"I'll go see if I can't prod more information. Get some rest Jack and I'm sorry." Hammond said and put his hand on Jack's shoulder.

"Thank you sir." Jack commented into the air, still shocked. Teal'c nodded in respect as the senior officer left, quicker than he had entered. Too many times he'd had this conversation and they were taking their toll.

Jack and Teal'c remained quiet for several minutes. Teal'c felt he should say something but didn't have the words. It was Jack who finally broke the silence.

"I gotta get outta here" He said and removed the fingertip sensor and threw it away from him and tossed the blanket covering him aside.

"That would be most unwise, O'Neill." Teal'c commented.

"I have to go somewhere. It's important to me." Jack wondered where his keys were. Locker room? Office? He tried retracing his steps and stopped when he hit the point where he became a caveman for two days.

Teal'c frowned. If I assist O'Neill in evading further medical care, Doctor Frasier will be most irate, he thought. And possibly retaliatory, he added. Nevertheless, his closest friend asked for help and he would not deny it.

"Then you will require assistance and more adequate attire. Your clothing appears to have suffered significant damage."

"It's a hospital gown, Teal'c" Jack interrupted quickly, embarrassed.

------------

Janet was numb. She hadn't been able to visit Lieutenant Hicks since the emergency at the base but she had just spoken to him and his wife on the phone earlier in the day. He was being transferred to the rehabilitation wing. She had experienced such a charge of success in that he was out of danger and well on the road to healing. Combined with finding the cure for the parasitic virus, she had felt she could do no wrong. Now Hicks was dead. Killed by a stroke from a blood clot of all things. Unbelievable that fate could be so cruel.

She would bring his primary care physician on charges for this, Janet ranted between sobs. She had recommended that the Lt. remain on blood thinners because of the severity of the wound for another week at least to avoid the possibility of a clot. Yet that incompetent, butchering bastard of a doctor put him on coagulants.

When she heard the knock at the door, she nearly picked up the phone and hurled it.

"Go away!" She shouted, but the knock resumed.

"I said, go AWAY!" She exclaimed as she jerked the door open, ready to unleash her fury and resentment against whomever was foolish enough to have remained at her doorstep. What she saw was like a splash of cold water on her senses.

"Jack?"

"Hey." Jack smiled. He could tell she had been crying, there were still tears on her cheeks. He wished he could have been here sooner. As it was he left so quickly that he was dressed in hospital scrubs that Teal'c had stolen from inventory.

"I told you not to leave the base." Janet said in a shaky voice and wiped her eyes.

"Can I come in?"

She nodded and stepped aside, closing the door behind him.

"You should be in bed. What are you doing here?" She asked and sniffed from the tears. She knew full well why he was here, he must have heard about Lt. Hicks. She was glad to see him but also very afraid. Janet felt very alone and vulnerable right now.

"I've come to file a grievance about the food in the infirmary." Jack said, deadpan.

Janet let out a small chortle, much against her will and it turned into a painful sob. Too many feelings were swirling around her right now; pain, tiredness, elation at saving Jack and now the grief for Lt. Hicks. Jack moved towards her but she put her hand up to stop him. Her lips were pressed flat to keep them from quivering and she was doing everything in her power not to let the torrent of emotion loose, especially in front of Jack. She could barely see him from the well of tears forming in her eyes.

He ignored her upturned palm and advanced, spreading his arms out to envelope her in a hug. She continued to resist and kept her hand in front of him even as he leaned closer to hold her.

Her sobs became deeper and she hit him lightly on his shoulder with her fist to let her go but he continued to hold her firmly.

That's when she couldn't hold it back any longer.

Janet was openly crying now, gasping for air and moaning against his chest as she wrapped her arms around him. Jack could feel the sobs wracking her body, they were far too large for such a tiny figure. She was crying for Hicks. Crying for his newly widowed bride. Crying for herself in the arms of the man she still deeply loved.

"It's ok, Jan. It's ok." He softly repeated and gently rocked her back and forth and kissed her hair.

She clutched his shirt against his back and held on as if he was the last rock above water in an ever increasing tide.

Outside of Janet's house a cab was idling its engine. Looking out of the cab, Teal'c could see the silhouette of two figures embracing through the curtains of Janet's window. He did not think O'Neill would be returning to the base this evening.

"You may drive onward, now." He ordered.

------------

As the dawn sun broke through the window of Janet's living room, she fought the feeling of waking up to snuggle more deeply into the warmth of her bed.

It felt lumpy. She stopped suddenly to realize she wasn't in her bed at all but in fact laying on her couch with her head resting on Jack's chest and one of his arms around the small of her back.

Janet tensed slightly, trying to emerge from that foggy place between waking and slumber. She tried to recall the events of last night; she remembered crying as Jack held her for what seemed like hours and sitting with him on the couch talking, but not much more.

"Hi" came a whisper.

He's awake, Janet tensed still trying to gain her footing. She could knew that nothing had happened last night, they were both still fully clothed but waking up in his arms again after so long was a rather surreal experience.

Janet raised her head slightly to look at him. Oh please, please, please don't let me have drooled during the night. She wiped the corner of her mouth deftly to make sure and met his gaze.

"Hi" She returned softly.

"You slept like that all night?." She knew with his knees and back that would cause trouble. He must have slept half sitting, half laying in order to hold her. The thought struck her as incredibly sweet. And made her very nervous to be so close to him like this.

"Well the room had a nice view. How'd you sleep?"

Janet didn't realize until now that she had actually slept quite well and through the entire night for the first time in the better part of a week.

"Ehh" She lied, not wanting to tell him the truth. Not just yet anyway.

"Well it was good for me" Jack said in a sarcastically smug tone, which given her nervousness sent Janet into a fit of giggles.

For a moment, they just enjoyed the smiles on each others faces.

Janet finally broke the gaze and looked to the clock on the wall and saw that it was nearly 5am. She groaned knowing she needed to get up and get back to base.

"Time to go?" Jack asked.

Janet nodded. "And you" she whispered "still need to be in the infirmary. I have more tests to run."

"Needles?" Jack asked.

"Only half honkin'" she joked. "How are you going to explain being gone all night?"

Jack moved in head side to side, pretending as if deep in thought.

"I'll manage. Worse case, I'll ask for a note from my doctor." he winked.

Janet smiled in return. "I'll need a bit to get cleaned up and I'll take you in."

"Can we stop by my place first?" Jack asked.

Taken aback by the forwardness of his comment, Janet's mind raced and wondered what for. She hadn't been there since their breakup and couldn't figure out a reason why he would want her there.

"I wanted to check on Gordie." Jack said, somewhat embarrassed, now realizing how the question may have sounded.

"Ohhh" Janet said in a tender voice. "How is Gordie?" She stopped herself before admitting she had just been thinking of Jack's dog recently. She'd left herself too vulnerable as it was.

"Getting older but not slowing down much." Jack grinned at his inside joke.

"I need to get up and get ready." Janet said with half frown. It felt so good, just laying here against him, she wanted to savor it. Jack saved her from the dilemma and removed his arm from her back and Janet tore herself away.

She noticed Jack almost immediately stretched out one of his legs as she rose. Poor guy, his knee must be aching after sitting like that for hours.

Janet reached out and took his hand.

"Thanks Jack." Janet said with emotion. I wonder if Jack even knows what he does for people just by being around? She needed a friend very badly last night, to not be alone. She felt better, still hurt over the loss of the Lt. but at least now she had the strength to deal with it.

Jack said nothing but nodded and squeezed her hand gently.

As she turned away he couldn't resist.

"Janet?" He asked.

"Hmm?"

"Isn't that one of my old tee shirts?" He inquired.

Her eyes grew wide and a thousand tiny pricks of nerves danced across her neck and cheeks causing her to blush. She realized last night that the tee shirt she had been wearing was one of those she had saved from Jack but hadn't given it a thought when she answered her door. It announced Air Force Academy in big bold letters across the front. She tried to speak but couldn't think of a single word to say.

"Ah" Was the best Janet could manage with a dying voice.

"I'll make some coffee." Jack said with a smile.

------------

Eeep, Janet fumed at herself as she readied for work. Of all the comebacks you could have uttered, you squeaked at him, she chastised. You could have said it was from the Academy hospital or a former boyfriend left it, making him wonder. It was from a former boyfriend, after all; it was from her last boyfriend who just happened to be Jack. But he didn't need to know that. Jack didn't seem to realize the depths of her mortification which only made it worse.

At first she was angry at herself but then it turned into anger towards him. There was no way she would leave him with the upper hand like this.

They made small talk on the way to his house and finally standing on the porch as Jack fumbled for his spare key, Janet marveled. The house looked just the same as it had months ago. The grass on the lawn was a little longer and some of the plants on the porch appeared to be rather sickly but everything else was just the same. Moments came back to her mind of the times she'd visited him here. Sitting on the porch swing, holding each other while watching the sun going down. Barbeques and Sunday mornings still in bed blending into the afternoon. The clarity of it took her breath away. It was scary but comforting at the same time. Like coming home after a long happy vacation, you didn't want to return but you were glad to be coming back.

When he opened the door, Janet heard Gordie's bark and she stepped inside.

He padded straight towards them and completely ignored Jack, pouncing on Janet's small frame. The dog was on its hind legs, barking rapidly and licking her face, tickling her with his tongue.

"Hiya Gordie" Janet sang out. She couldn't believe the dog remembered her but he obviously did. She held out her tumbler of coffee for Jack to take away from her before she spilled it.

"Down boy" Jack ordered him, taking her coffee but his feelings were somewhat hurt that after being gone, his dog chose to run to Janet first.

"He's ok" Janet laughed and began petting him furiously. Gordie laid down on the floor to submit to some overdue attention and Janet scratched him behind the ears.

Jack shook his head. "I'll just go see to his food and we can get going."

"I missed you boy, yes I did, yes I did" Janet said in a sing-song voice as she continued petting the dog, causing one of his hind legs twitch and making Janet laugh.

Hearing the sound of a can opener, Gordie got up and licked Janet's hand before trotting toward the back of the house where his food was kept.

"Just like a man, get what they want and off they go." She joked.

Janet looked around the living room. It was neat, always was, she noted. Unlike most bachelors, Jack had kept his living quarters very tidy, almost Spartan. Her eyes were drawn to the pictures on the wall. He hadn't put up any new ones since she'd last been here and there was one she hoped he hadn't taken it down.

Just to the left of the living room wall there it was. The companion photograph to the one she secretly carried in her purse, only larger in size. He still had it on the wall. She'd hoped but was afraid he'd taken it down. There was no reason to leave it up, they'd parted so long ago. Was it to remember or merely because Jack rarely changed anything in his home. Did he just leave it on the wall and never noticed? Seeing the picture left more questions than answers for Janet. It was a lot to consider, she thought and glanced away.

Janet picked up her coffee that Jack had set down and took a sip.

Bitter, she thought.

"Jack do mind if I take some milk for my coffee?" She called out.

"Course not, but uhm, check the date first." Jack's voice came from the back of the house.

Janet went to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator door.

"Oh my God, Jack!" She cried out.

"What?" Jack came running back towards her.

Janet looked at him in dismay and waved her hand in front of the collection of pizza boxes, Chinese food containers and some things she couldn't readily distinguish.

"I am 'so' going to check your cholesterol when we get back." She exclaimed.

"I thought you'd seen a Goa'uld or something" He laughed at her reaction to his food.

"You have got to stop eating like this." She chastised and held up a container that if she had to identify would be simply 'green food'.

"I eat fine." Jack defended and reached down to Gordie who had trotted back into the room.

"For a teenager." Janet said sarcastically and put the container back inside the refrigerator.

"Are you about ready?" He asked, wanting to change the subject away from his age.

"Sure." Janet took her tumbler and noticed another plant needing attention. "Jack, who takes care of Gordie when you're away on business." She asked, making a joke of the Stargate.

"Well the neighbor did until Gordie got a.." He coughed. "Little too friendly with her dog." He said and petted his dog's wide head.

"You're kidding. Gordie!" She accused him and bent down to ruffle his ears. "You dirty old man, you."

"Teal'c's been watching him while I've been in the infirmary but I'll probably hire a kid from down the street."

"I can do it." Janet offered.

"Seriously?" He was shocked. "You wouldn't mind?"

"Nope, not at all." She was somewhat surprised at herself and of Jack. She felt another portion of the emotional wall she held up start to crack a little more. She couldn't even tell how much was left of it.

"Cool." Jack said. "Thanks."

"We should get going." Janet pointed to her watch. Petting the dog once more, she headed towards the door. Gordie attempted to follow her but Jack stopped him. Gordie let out a small whimper.

"Yeah, I know boy." He said quietly as he petted his dog. "I've missed her too." He said wistfully but for the first time, with hope in his voice.

To Be Continued...


End file.
